I think one of the biggest hindrances to community is competition. Life is a collaborative effort, always. People can't be themselves because they're too busy tryna be better. "Better" is subjective but typically translates to "easier to notice." People want to be noticed because attention is currency. That's what happens under capitalism; we are told there's not enough for everyone, so to get a piece, you gotta be special. But collaboration is not about being special, since specialness is understood/default--it's about belonging, blending, changing the large by being a small part of it. Got us out here racing toward some hypothetical finish line, when we're supposed to be walking slow in the family garden.
i like to pretend i already died and asked god to send me back to earth so i can swim in lakes again and see mountains and get my heart broken and love my friends and cry so hard in the bathroom and go grocery shopping 1,000 more times. and that i promised i would never forget the miracle of being here
To be in favor of solitude is not to be against community or friendship or love. It’s not that being alone is better, just that without the experience of it we block ourselves from discovering something enormously beneficial, perhaps even vital, to selfhood. Who are you when you are not a friend, a partner, a lover, a sibling, a parent, a child? When no one is with you, what do you do, and do you do it differently than if someone was there? It’s hard to see someone fully when another person is always attached to them. More importantly, it’s hard for us to see our own selves if we’re not ever alone.
Amina Cain, A Horse at Night: On Writing
a lovely year + new feelings culminating together to create one unique life….
The three big lies of identity, according to Henri Nouwen:
- I am what I have.
- I am what I do.
- I am what other people think of me.
